2018 – A Review

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          2018 has been an odd year because it’s been good in some regards and bad in others. I started the year ready to take on the world, I made changes after changes in order to improve myself and achieve my goals and so the start of the year was probably why 2018 might be my best year so far. I started Marbled Intentions and I even started writing my favourite story ever. I got close to 1k followers on Instagram and made so many amazing friends on there too. People I can easily call my internet family and who have become such an integral part of my daily life – I am thankful for all of you. I also made up with old friends this year, we got over our differences and came out stronger in the end. I made more of an effort to keep in touch with old friends and made memories I will treasure forever.

          In 2018 I finally went vegan. This is big for me because I have a hard time making these big decisions so I am proud of myself. I started penpaling this year so I now know how to mail stuff and I am less awkward and anxious on paper. I learnt to write letters and to appreciate deeper bonds with people in my life. In 2018 I saw Burn The Stage with my friends and revisited an old story that’s always been my home. This year I finally allowed myself to drop my scepticism and allow myself to be curious about the potential of being spiritual. I learnt that this moment is a blip in time and better days will come.

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          This year I started to understand myself better – I am a very chill person but small things can set me off. I have trouble relating to people but I have no trouble guessing how they’re feeling. I now know that I don’t have a dream like so many other people do but I have my writing passion and that’s enough for me. This year I learnt that in order to be completely free I have to rid myself of expectations. I learnt to value myself above others because I can’t pour from an empty cup. I learnt that I only live once and yes, it’s sad that I missed some things I’ll never get to do/have but I can’t do anything about that so what’s the point in being sad about it. In 2018 BTS taught me to love myself and for that I’m grateful.

          This year I also went vegetarian for Christmas, skipped A LOT of classes and got a few bad grades. In 2018 I didn’t really learn much about my spirituality even though I allowed myself to. I created Marbled Intentions, posted three times per week during the summer holiday and completely stopped posting in November and October. In 2018 I fell into such a slump that I started doubting myself as a person, I started going back to the darker days and I debated dropping out of university. In 2018 I pulled my friends closer while I pushed my family away. I didn’t read as much as I wanted, I didn’t stick to a skincare routine and I still eat a whole lot of junk food.

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          So yeah, 2018 has been good but it has also been bad. But we wouldn’t know happiness without pain so I am grateful for this year either way. I’m turning 20 in January. In less than three weeks I will officially have been on this earth for two decades and that scares me in ways I don’t even know how to describe but I’m also excited because 2018 gave me the tools to move into my 20s confidently.

          This is the last post of 2018 so I’d like to thank anyone who reads this blog (I don’t really check the stats so for all I know I might be talking to myself). The plan for next year is to post every Saturday at 12 PM GMT so stay tuned for that and have a great New Year!

          With love,

          Sonny xx

 

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Exhaustion

I always joke around with my friends that exhaustion is a powerful drug. You know that feeling when your body is just so, so heavy that you can barely move? Or when your head is so full and your eyelids are constantly ready to drop that you can’t focus? You lose motivation to do things that you love or even things you don’t love but have to do anyway. So you end up procrastinating, spending hours watching YouTube and then even more hours trying to catch up on whatever work you were supposed to do and then your sleep schedule is all out of wack and maybe your diet is too and this keeps on going until you break down.

That’s not healthy. It’s definitely very common, sure, but it shouldn’t be. We live in a society in which we rarely stop to rest and when we do, well, we think about all the things we have to do when we get back to work. How exactly is that rest? It’s not. It’s tiring and exhausting and it doesn’t help anybody in the long run.

Now, picture your body and mind as a machine – it works perfectly when it’s out of the box and it serves you well for a while but after that, the wheels start rusting and you might need to do some work on it to restore it to its original form. That can take the form of what we now know as self-care which can be of many types but is mostly advertised as bubble baths and scented candles. Others like to say that self-care doesn’t have to be all bubble baths and candles and meditation which is fair enough, not everybody responds to these things in the same way and doing something pretty mundane can easily trick us into thinking about work so what do you do when the bubble baths don’t work and going for a walk just doesn’t seem feasible? You go back to the basics.

I finally finished the first semester of my second year of university. I started the month of September excited and ready to go to university and do my best then bad things started happening one after the other, ultimately snowballing into a massive depressive episode which lasted for the past three months or so. This semester has been exhausting, to say the least. I missed a bunch of classes because I was exhausted. I didn’t do some of the reading because I was exhausted. I focused on less important things to make myself and my anxiety feel better. I procrastinated and tried to catch up and it just didn’t freaking work because I was and still am exhausted.

My arms and my brain ache as I’m typing this blog post, that’s how freaking tired I am. I sat down to write for one of my stories and I just couldn’t gather the energy to think about this whole other world full of energetic and diverse characters. I feel like there’s this fog clouding the inside of my skull and a cold well inside of my chest and I honestly don’t know how to repair any of those things in a way that will still get me the results I want. I keep saying that I’ll get my shit together, that I’ll figure a way out but I never do because, in the end, there’s rarely one answer to all of our problems. Sure, I can buy a new planner and sit down to write my new year resolutions and goals or I can clean my entire room until it sparkles but that’s just a band-aid solution to the bigger problem which is the fact that I strayed so far from the basics that not even bubble baths and planners can help me feel like a well-rested, well-adjusted member of society.

I aspire to a great life, we all do. I want to live comfortably, to travel and to… uh, well, I don’t know what else I want because I’ve been stuck in this loop of exhaustion and trying to fix things with band-aids that just won’t hold things together. I’ve been so caught up in fixing the petty stuff that I forgot that the world is not just the small bubble that I created around me, that in fact, it’s an ocean of dreams and ideas and opportunities for learning and adventure. I can only describe this as walking around with my eyes closed because this is how I’ve been living my life for the past twenty years or so. I want to open my eyes and finally feel that fire in my chest, instead of an empty, cold well and I want my vision to be clear so I can fully understand what I want from life and effectively work for it without getting so exhausted (we’ll get exhausted no matter what, after all, but it should never get this bad) that I end up procrastinating and covering it up with a dumb band-aid. Now, mind you, if bubble baths and planners work for you then that’s great! I thought they worked for me too and in a way they do but for me, to fully recover I think I need to get back to the basics.

What are the basics you ask (you probably didn’t)? Eating a healthy, balanced diet (keep in mind that I’m not talking about your weight-loss diets, but diet in general) at specific times of the day, drinking enough water, sleeping eight hours per night, getting enough sun, etc. I don’t do these things even though they are the bare minimum, basic things everyone should do. I make a healthy meal plan I never follow and I say I’ll go to sleep early tonight but I never stick to it even though these things have been proven to make me feel less exhausted. Instead, I slap on a band-aid by taking a bubble bath and getting right back to procrastinating.

Now, I’m not here to tell anybody what to do. In fact, during these three months, I realized that although I started this blog with good intentions, it turned into something I don’t enjoy. Sure, I like music and what not but this is not what I want to do with this platform. Instead, I’m putting this out there as a form of self-care. I am writing my thoughts down and working through them as I type the words and if this is inspirational to anyone then it is, if it’s not then whatever, it helps me.

Thank you for taking the time to read through this long word-vomit. The short version of it is that these past few months have been very difficult for me and I have finally found a solution to the problem which is to go back to the basics. Work on setting up a strong foundation for myself and then go from there, or at least that’s the plan – I’ll keep you updated.

I am planning to revamp this blog during the winter holiday which means new content and possibly a new look. I want this blog to be more ‘me’ and less every other lifestyle blog out there so I’ll work hard on that over the next few weeks! Thanks again for reading and I hope you’ve had a great week!

With love,

Sonny xx

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To Do – Year 2 of University

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As the start of the second year of university is approaching, I’m realizing that even with my 5 months of holiday I didn’t prepare enough. This happens to me all the time, I am, after all, a master procrastinator. I spent the first month recuperating from the first year of university, the second and third applying for jobs and the fourth hanging out with friends. As my summer holiday is coming to an end, so is my sense of peace, calm and my composure.

I am freaking the f**k out, internally.

So what do I do when I’m freaking the f**k out internally? I make very detailed plans on how to get my s**t together. Yep, that’s right, I make plans. I write to-do lists and wish lists and I write paragraphs all about the things I want to achieve and by doing these things I manage to collect my thoughts and put myself together again. I started doing this a couple of days ago and now that I am done, I think I finally have a sound plan of what I should do to be completely prepared for my second year of university. (I’m making myself sound like a real f**k up, aren’t I?)

So here it is, my to-do list. Feel free to use this for yourself and improve on it!

What went well and how can I improve?

The first thing I plan to do is figure out what went well in the first year of university and how I can improve in the second year. I write it all down and talk about how specific things affected my physical and mental health as well as the grades I got at the end of the year. This allows me to really think about the things I need to change and in the end, the changes I will make will be beneficial in the long run.

Finish all my reading, complete with notes

This one is a bit of an obvious one. I want to finish all my reading, or at least as much of it as I can before the year starts so that I don’t have to struggle during the semester. Instead, I can focus on re-reading the material and getting a deeper understanding of the subject and the analysis.

Refine note-taking methods

I don’t know if I’m alone in this, but the way I make my notes affects the outcome of my studies a lot. My note taking style changed a lot from secondary school when I had 9 different subjects (the way I took notes for maths was different from how I took notes for English) to college when I did 3 subjects to university where I only do 1. In the first year of uni, I struggled to find a note-taking system that worked for me and I only found something that worked decently by the end of the year and so I want to perfect my note-taking style by the time I go back to uni.

Refine assignment steps

I’ll explain. Whenever I have an assignment due, I take specific steps to complete that assignment. I write it down in my calendar with an earlier due date than what’s actually assigned, I write down everything I need to do to complete this assignment and then I break everything down into a very detailed plan. Or at least I try. This method is so long and tiring that I almost never did it. Instead, I procrastinated a lot and ended up rushing some of my assignments because of it. I suggest looking up some blog posts about it (I’ll upload mine very soon so stay tuned for that.)

Lunch ideas + budget

I go to university in a very expensive area which means that buying lunch every day would break the bank *very* fast. I only go to uni three to four days a week and some of those days are very short so I don’t bring food to school, but when I do, I want to bring something from home. This didn’t work out well in the first year because I made all these plans and came up with super fancy recipes that never worked out. I didn’t bother preparing my lunch the night before because it was too time-consuming and so this time around, I want to figure out a meal plan that’s affordable, simple and nutritious. I might even make a post about that! Similarly, making a budget is very important because let’s be honest here, we’re students and we’re not made of money. By making and sticking to a budget, I can afford everything I need and even things I want.

Stationery!

I personally don’t have to buy any new stationery since I make digital notes and I have enough stationery to last me a couple of years but going stationery shopping is not only fun and exciting because it’s a great way to start the new semester, but it’s also a great way to infuse some fun into this long-a*s to-do list.

Plan out outfits

If you’re anything like me, you’re too lazy and disinterested in fashion to care how you look in a 10AM lecture. Make-up be damned, right? Well, that was my attitude for the entirety of the first year and I have to say that half the time I felt like crap because of it. It’s not like I showed up to class in my pyjamas or anything, it’s just that after a night of studying and surviving the rush hour, I just couldn’t be asked to cake my face with makeup – it was tiring. You know how we all feel pretty when we put effort into how we present ourselves? Not for others, of course, but when we dress up for ourselves! I want to invest more time into feeling comfortable going to class but putting effort into my appearance at the same time. Now don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing wrong with a hoodie and jeans (which is probably how I’ll dress after the first two weeks) and I’m not going out to buy a whole new wardrobe. Instead, I’ll look through my closet and come up with 7 interchangeable outfits that I can put together real fast the night before. That way I get to be lazy and cute at the same time!

Make a playlist!

This one is a bit silly but hear me out. To me, music is a thing that makes me so happy, it calms me down and it puts me in the right mood for anything. I am that person that makes a playlist for anything. I have a playlist that I play during autumn, one that I play when I walk the dog, one that I play when I’m taking a bubble bath, etc. Going back to school, be it secondary, college or university or hell, even going back to work after a nice, relaxing holiday can be difficult and draining. Doing little things to perk ourselves up like a celebratory cupcake, a new playlist or reading a cheesy novel might sound silly, but they’re not. Anything to get us through the day, right?

So here it is, my to-do list for my second year of university. This post turned out to be so long but I think it’s important to put it out there, maybe as a form of inspiration, maybe for you guys to marvel at how much of a mess my life is. Either way, thanks a lot for reading and feel free to tell me how you prepare for a new beginning! Make sure to check out my last blog post which is my August playlist.

With love,

Sonny xx

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Self-care Alphabet

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          It is no secret that our everyday lives can be difficult, stressful and sometimes upsetting. With the challenge of mental health being on the rise and the effect social media has on our society, I believe it’s good to practice self-care as often as possible. Everyone takes care of themselves and their happiness differently. While some like to walk their dog or try a new recipe, others might like to take bubble baths and play in the rain and both of these rituals are valid. The following list is a list of ideas to maybe start you on this self-care path or maybe even to inspire you to add to your personal ritual of self-care.

          This is something that was sent to me via email by my college two years ago and I thought it would be good to post it here and maybe encourage some people to engage in self-care and self-love.  I hope these are helpful and feel free to share them with anyone who you think might need these tips.

 

Allow yourself to dream

Be honest about what you need

Create/craft something

Drink a mug of soothing tea

Eat foods which nourish you

Forgive yourself

Go on a walk in nature

Have a long soak in a bubbly bath

Invest in yourself

Join a support group

Kite, fly one

Learn to say no to the things you want to say ‘no’ to

Make a blanket fort

Nap

Own who you are, embrace your you’ness

Play, it’s not just for kids

Question your icky boundaries, work on them

Read books, not just self-help/improvement ones

Stop making New Year’s Resolutions, choose a feeling or a key word instead

Take time out for you

Upgrade a tatty item

Vocalise your needs

Write a journal or a letter to someone

Xenial – be as kind to yourself as you would be to others

You matter, you are important and worthy

Zzz, 7-9 hours per night

          I hope this self-care alphabet has given you some inspiration to engage in loving and taking care of yourself physically and mentally. Thank you for reading and don’t forget to check out my last post all about tips for getting a good night’s rest.

With love,

Sonny xx

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Get to Know Me Tag

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          As a new blogger, I still feel a bit awkward and weird trying to find my blogging voice (or whatever) and figuring this website out so I thought, what better way to get more comfortable with the platform and potential readers other than a ‘Get to Know me Tag’. Here are twenty questions I found here.

          What is your name?

My name is Sonia but everybody and their mother calls me Sonny. I also go by Peachy online.

          What is your height?

I haven’t measured myself in ages but last time I checked I was about 163cm tall or 5’3”.

          What is your zodiac sign?

I am a proud Capricorn (sun sign) and my moon sign is Sagittarius. My ascendant sign is Aries and my descendant sign is Libra.

          Cats or dogs?

I love all animals (except bugs, I CANNOT stand bugs) including cats and dogs but I have to be honest and say that cats will always be my favourites when it comes to pets. They are just so majestic and self-assured and they are very, very loving and sweet when they care about you. My cat does this thing every single night where he comes for kisses (he smushes his face against mine over and over again) and we have to hug and cuddle until he’s satisfied and it is honestly the sweetest thing ever.  

          Favourite school subject?

I found it a bit hard to pick one since I have many interests and I sincerely enjoyed school but I would have to say English Literature (duh). Some other school subjects that I love are Creative Writing and History.

          Favourite food?

I’m vegetarian (and I’m super picky) so most of the time I have to be really creative with my food but I would have to say either pasta or pizza.

          Favourite TV show?

Ohhh, I could go on and on about this for ages. In fact, I might just make a separate blog post about this because I am such a TV show addict. But to answer the question, I have two favourite TV shows which are Dexter and Grey’s Anatomy.

          Favourite actor & actress?

Oh man, I love Sandra Oh and Ellen Pompeo so much. Their onscreen chemistry is amazing and as actresses they are absolutely phenomenal and they deserve the world.

          What is your biggest fear?

Besides spiders and heights? Failure.

          Tea or coffee?

Coffee all the way! In truth, I drink way too much caffeine and tea makes me nauseous.

          Your bad habit?

Procrastination, I think, is my worst habit. I think a lot of people have this bad habit and this can come from a number of different reasons including social media, anxiety and lack of motivation. For me, procrastination is something I have been trying really hard to get rid of but alas, I haven’t yet.

          What is your favourite holiday?

Halloween! Autumn is my favourite season ever – I like the colours of the leaves, I like the crisp, cold weather, the rain, the fashion and the overall cosiness of this season and so it should come as no surprise that my favourite holiday ever is Halloween. I usually stay in, watch horror movies, drink hot chocolate and eat popcorn.

          If you could live anywhere, where would it be?

New York or Tokyo! I grew up as a city girl with the hustle and bustle of the city all around me so that is how I thrive and therefore I think New York and Tokyo would be perfect for me and how I envision my future.

          What is your lucky number?

The number 8 is my lucky number and I think I got that idea when I was eleven or twelve and I was flipping through a teen magazine. I remember going to the horoscope page and in the Capricorn section is said that a Capricorn’s lucky number is 8 and 2 but I was more drawn to 8.  

          Are you allergic to anything?

To be fair, I am not actually sure if I am allergic to sunflower seeds but I do think I am developing an allergy to them.

          Last person to call you & last person you texted?

The last person to call me was my mother and the last person to text me was one of my closest friends.

          Last thing you bought?

A stylus for my chromebook (big investment and really poor results, 10/10 would NOT recommend)

          Last TV show you watched?

I’ve been re-watching Grey’s Anatomy (my poor Omelia heart *sobs*).

            Can you cook?

Somewhat? I am no chef and there are certain things in the kitchen that I probably shouldn’t touch but I can feed myself and make it fun.

          If you could play any musical instrument, which one would it be?

The drums but since I have absolutely no rhythm and the dexterity of a two year old that doesn’t seem like a good idea.

 

          Here it is, twenty questions and answers about who I am and my interests that I hope would make integrating myself into this community a bit of an easier process or even just making my blog feel more homely. Also, check out my last blog post which is all about my desk setup. Thank you for reading!

 

With love,

Sonny xx

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The Questions:

1. What is your name?

2. What is your height?

3. What is your zodiac sign?

4. Cats or dogs?

5. Favourite school subject?

6. Favourite food?

7. Favourite TV show?

8. Favourite actor & actress?

9. What is your biggest fear?

10. Tea or coffee?

11. Your bad habit?

12. What is your favourite holiday?

13. If you could live anywhere, where would it be?

14. What is your lucky number?

15. Are you allergic to anything?

16. Last person to call you & last person you texted?

17. Last thing you bought?

18. Last TV show you watched?

19. Can you cook?

20. If you could play any musical instrument, which one would it be?