Favourite TV Shows and Series

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I am that person who watches way too many TV shows. As I mentioned in my ‘using youtube as an escape’ blog post, I use media as a form of escapism. It helps me block out my thoughts, worries and anxieties and problems. I don’t even remember most of my breakups (not that I had many) because I just occupy my mind with TV shows. I’m not saying this is a good thing nor am I saying I’m content with it, I am trying to change this (says the person who watched 14 seasons of Grey’s Anatomy during exam season).

Not too long ago I realized that I’m not a big fan of sci-fi, paranormal shows. I have watched Supernatural (in my mind it ended at season 4) and Shadowhunters (I got bored of it real quick, Malec still has my heart though) but I prefer more realistic shows. I think the craziest TV binge I ever did was when I started watching Pretty Little Liars. I stayed awake for three days straight watching it over winter break and then finished the first five seasons in a week or so. Once again, in my mind, PLL finished at season 5.

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My number one favourite TV show as of now has to be Grey’s Anatomy. That’s all I’ve been talking about for the past 5 months or so and I am SO happy that season 15 is out now. I’ve even roped in a couple of friends which is my way of bonding with people (yeah, I know, I sound like a fun person). As I was planning for this post, I was thinking about why I love this show so much and I realized that I’m not entirely sure. If you don’t know what Grey’s Anatomy is about, it’s a medical show revolving around Meredith Grey who is a monumental screw-up and Derek Shepherd who is McDreamy and a bit of a McAss sometimes.

I know, this is not exactly selling the show but this might. I think the reason why I love this show so much is because of the characters. It has such a diverse cast, lgbtq+ characters including bisexual girls, trans men and their stories don’t always revolve around their sexualities. We also have people with disabilities and we get to see the struggle as well as them pulling through and dealing with their disability. Their social commentary is amazing too, Grey’s Anatomy has dealt with heavy topics such as shootings, addiction, depression, not fitting in because of one’s sexuality or gender identity, loss of a loved one and so much more. The show is so long and has evolved so well from its release back in 2005 to today in 2018. The story has evolved as did the characters and even though things changed, the show is still so fun to watch.

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My second favourite TV show is Dexter. This is another show I binge-watched in a couple of days, maybe a week. I have actually watched Dexter over thirty times to date and I don’t regret it at all! I can blindly pick a random episode of a random season and know exactly what happens before and after said episode. What’s Dexter about? Dexter is a blood spatter analyst at Miami Metro Homicide. He was adopted into the Morgan family as a very young child and as he was growing up, he noticed he had ‘urges’. His adoptive father who was a homicide detective taught him the code to kill serial killers. Now, if you ask me why I’m so damn obsessed with this show, I’m not entirely sure. I don’t mind bad characters when they’re done right and Dexter was written so freaking well that sometimes you forget that he’s a serial killer. This show is so morally wrong that it’s actually incredibly interesting to dissect because it gives a personal insight into the mind of a monster who kills other monsters, we get to love his family and friends, we get invested in the story and soon enough forget he’s a monster and – whoop, he killed someone. It’s a crazy rollercoaster of emotions.

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My third favourite TV show is Secret Diary of a Call Girl. Now mind you, this show is very explicit and not for younger viewers at all so if you do check it out, do it at your own risk and preferably only if you’re over the age of 18. Diary of a Call Girl is a TV show made after a book written by a former call girl (high-class escort). It’s a funny, real and sexy show that portrays the life of Hannah Baxter, a 27-year-old who goes by the name Belle. She lives a luxurious double life that gets a little messy when people in her life start finding out that she’s an escort. This show is relatively short, only 4 seasons, but it’s packed full of funny moments, sad moments, sexy moments. People usually watch Gilmore Girls when they want to feel cosy or they want something easy to watch after a long tiring day, for me that show is Secret Diary of a Call Girl. Not only did I love the books, but I also love the TV show too.

So here it is, a list of my favourite TV show. I know it’s quite long, especially the Grey’s Anatomy paragraphs but I hope you enjoyed reading it nonetheless, and that maybe it gave you an idea of what to watch next. Thanks a lot for reading and make sure to check out my last blog post which is my favourite Chase Atlantic songs.

With love,

Sonny xx

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(GIFs ARE NOT MINE, CREDIT GOES TO WHOEVER MADE THEM!)

Chrome Extensions I Find Useful

Inspired by Rowena Tsai’s video (I’ll link her video at the end of this post) on the Chrome extensions she finds useful, I decided to take a look at my own extensions and how I use them to boost my productivity. Now, I realize that this blog post might be a bit niche but as someone who is constantly using her laptop for all kinds of things; university, this blog, writing and reading, I like geeking out about things that make my laptop work better. So while I learnt about a couple of extensions from Rowena which I began enjoying as of late, I am not going to talk about those because I don’t have a well-developed impression of them.

The first extension I find useful is Grammarly. I have been using this extension for a while now since college actually. I have always been proud of my spelling and grammar, especially because English is not my first language, however, we all make mistakes and as someone who studies literature and whose passion is writing stories, Grammarly is so helpful. Grammarly is an extension which corrects your spelling and grammar mistakes and tells you why your original text is wrong.

The second extension I find useful is Forest. Forest is an extension that blocks sites you don’t want to utilise (such as YouTube, Netflix, Twitch, etc.) for a specified amount of time. When the timer goes off you have a pretty tree in your little garden and coins which you can spend on more pretty trees. If you decide to use the sites that cause you to get distracted anyway, you tree dies and leaves an ugly dead tree in your little garden. This is especially useful for me when I’m reading for my classes, writing assignments and writing for my stories. Whenever I run out of ideas for my stories or the reading material is giving me a headache, I immediately run to YouTube so this extension is super useful to keep me focused and on track.

The third extension I find useful is AdBlock which is pretty self-explanatory. I personally find it hard focusing on articles I’m reading and even when I watch videos because ads are constantly blinking in my face. Not to mention all the ‘indecent’ ads that pop out of nowhere.

Lastly, the extension I’ve had for the longest time is Momentum. I don’t really use this one is for productivity reason but rather because it looks nicer than the usual Google search bar and all the bookmarks under it. It also has a to-do list and really beautiful pictures so that’s a bonus!

So here it is, my favourite Chrome extensions! I hope you found these useful or even just a little interesting. Thanks a lot for reading and make sure to check out my last blog post!

What are your favourite Chrome extensions, do you even use extensions?

With love,

Sonny xx

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(GIFs ARE NOT MINE< CREDIT GOES TO WHOEVER MADE THEM!)

Using YouTube for Escapism + 3 Favourite Youtubers

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          Like many other people, I too, am obsessed with YouTube. It started sometime in 2011, this obsession of mine and changed slightly over the years. I am the kind of person who is so awfully aware of everything I do and why I do it so I realized that the reason why I started watching YouTube back in 2011 was because it was so new and interesting, the connection between creator and viewer seemed personal. Then every YouTuber and their mother started putting out merch, they started doing weird tags and challenges and there was no creativity on YouTube anymore. Of course, I don’t really mind or care that these YouTubers turned their channels into businesses, everybody has to make money, but personally, I am not a big fan of tag videos or the Q&A format. But the more I watched YouTube the more I grew accustomed to this content and started watching it mindlessly. Watching the same content over and over made it easy for my brain to switch off and use YouTube as a form of escapism. It was no longer relatable, just a way for me to stop thinking for a damn minute.

          Again, I am a very painfully aware person. I know I use media as a form of escapism and that it really doesn’t do much good for my mental health, but that’s the fun part of being a teenager/young adult, I grew up mindlessly watching content I didn’t care for without realizing that this is a habit that will be so hard to kick. I started being interested in the idea of self-improvement back in college. I was having a hard time focusing and being generally happy and I just wanted to feel good about myself for once so of course, I went to YouTube. I looked up basic words like self-care and self-improvement and I spent hours, days and weeks just mindlessly watching these videos. They were different from what I was used to, British YouTubers doing absolutely nothing but showing off. These videos were inspirational and made me want to become better, but as I said earlier, using YouTube as a form of escapism is a habit that’s very hard to kick. I had to actively think about my reasons for watching these inspirational videos and motivate myself to get up and put them into practice.

          I’m not going to lie and say I completely changed. I didn’t, I still watched YouTube mindlessly (I binge watched Dan and Phil’s Undertale series at least 10 times, not to mention all the Sims 4 let’s plays I’m still obsessed with) and I will probably always do that to some extent. But at the same time, I learnt to take a step back and spend some time in the present. I started following YouTubers whos content matched my goals and slowly started changing my routines, habits and outlook for the better.

          Without further ado, these are my three (current) favourite YouTubers. I will link all their channels at the end of this post.

Kalyn Nicholson

          Kalyn was one of the first lifestyle YouTubers I followed back in college and I can safely say that she honestly changed my life for the better. At first, I watched her content because I was desperate for a change but slowly came to love her personality and her outlook on life. She began changing her content last year and now makes videos on spirituality, being happy yet she still makes those lifestyle videos I originally fell in love with. She makes videos like ‘coffee talks’ (as videos and podcasts) which are basically advice videos, rosé rambles where she talks honestly about her life, GYST videos which are basically videos of her getting her sh*t together and so many more. She makes me want to travel and allow myself to be in touch with my spirituality. 

          Content: Lifestyle, spirituality, personal development

Rowena Tsai

          I started watching Rowena sometime last year when I was going through a slump. As I do, I found one of her videos in my recommended section and I completely fell in love with her message. She’s not militant, in fact, I like how she’s not afraid of her own slumps yet she always gets back up. Rowena is that person who’s videos I can watch and they instantly make me feel less shitty about myself. Plus her voice is very calming.

          Content: Self-care, personal development, life advice

Madeleine Olivia

          Madeleine’s videos are my latest obsession. I started watching her two months ago when I went fully vegan and I haven’t stopped since. Madeleine’s videos focus on veganism made easy, minimalism, self-care and living an ethical life. Basically all the things I aspire to be good at. She helped me a lot in feeling more comfortable as a vegan, I don’t cook very well but she made everything so easy. I have also started watching her minimalism series and while I really like the idea, I am also a bit of a maximalist (is that even a thing?)

          Content: Veganism, Minimalism, Ethical Living

          So here it is, an explanation of how I used YouTube and social media as a form of escapism and how I’m working on changing that as well as my top three favourite YouTubers. Feel free to let know who your favourite YouTubers are and make sure to check out my last blog post which is a list of my seven favourites Monsta X songs. Thanks for reading and have a lovely day!

          With love,

          Sonny xx

 

Kalyn Nicholson’s Channel

Rowena Tsai’s Channel

Madeleine Olivia’s Channel

 

 

To Do – Year 2 of University

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As the start of the second year of university is approaching, I’m realizing that even with my 5 months of holiday I didn’t prepare enough. This happens to me all the time, I am, after all, a master procrastinator. I spent the first month recuperating from the first year of university, the second and third applying for jobs and the fourth hanging out with friends. As my summer holiday is coming to an end, so is my sense of peace, calm and my composure.

I am freaking the f**k out, internally.

So what do I do when I’m freaking the f**k out internally? I make very detailed plans on how to get my s**t together. Yep, that’s right, I make plans. I write to-do lists and wish lists and I write paragraphs all about the things I want to achieve and by doing these things I manage to collect my thoughts and put myself together again. I started doing this a couple of days ago and now that I am done, I think I finally have a sound plan of what I should do to be completely prepared for my second year of university. (I’m making myself sound like a real f**k up, aren’t I?)

So here it is, my to-do list. Feel free to use this for yourself and improve on it!

What went well and how can I improve?

The first thing I plan to do is figure out what went well in the first year of university and how I can improve in the second year. I write it all down and talk about how specific things affected my physical and mental health as well as the grades I got at the end of the year. This allows me to really think about the things I need to change and in the end, the changes I will make will be beneficial in the long run.

Finish all my reading, complete with notes

This one is a bit of an obvious one. I want to finish all my reading, or at least as much of it as I can before the year starts so that I don’t have to struggle during the semester. Instead, I can focus on re-reading the material and getting a deeper understanding of the subject and the analysis.

Refine note-taking methods

I don’t know if I’m alone in this, but the way I make my notes affects the outcome of my studies a lot. My note taking style changed a lot from secondary school when I had 9 different subjects (the way I took notes for maths was different from how I took notes for English) to college when I did 3 subjects to university where I only do 1. In the first year of uni, I struggled to find a note-taking system that worked for me and I only found something that worked decently by the end of the year and so I want to perfect my note-taking style by the time I go back to uni.

Refine assignment steps

I’ll explain. Whenever I have an assignment due, I take specific steps to complete that assignment. I write it down in my calendar with an earlier due date than what’s actually assigned, I write down everything I need to do to complete this assignment and then I break everything down into a very detailed plan. Or at least I try. This method is so long and tiring that I almost never did it. Instead, I procrastinated a lot and ended up rushing some of my assignments because of it. I suggest looking up some blog posts about it (I’ll upload mine very soon so stay tuned for that.)

Lunch ideas + budget

I go to university in a very expensive area which means that buying lunch every day would break the bank *very* fast. I only go to uni three to four days a week and some of those days are very short so I don’t bring food to school, but when I do, I want to bring something from home. This didn’t work out well in the first year because I made all these plans and came up with super fancy recipes that never worked out. I didn’t bother preparing my lunch the night before because it was too time-consuming and so this time around, I want to figure out a meal plan that’s affordable, simple and nutritious. I might even make a post about that! Similarly, making a budget is very important because let’s be honest here, we’re students and we’re not made of money. By making and sticking to a budget, I can afford everything I need and even things I want.

Stationery!

I personally don’t have to buy any new stationery since I make digital notes and I have enough stationery to last me a couple of years but going stationery shopping is not only fun and exciting because it’s a great way to start the new semester, but it’s also a great way to infuse some fun into this long-a*s to-do list.

Plan out outfits

If you’re anything like me, you’re too lazy and disinterested in fashion to care how you look in a 10AM lecture. Make-up be damned, right? Well, that was my attitude for the entirety of the first year and I have to say that half the time I felt like crap because of it. It’s not like I showed up to class in my pyjamas or anything, it’s just that after a night of studying and surviving the rush hour, I just couldn’t be asked to cake my face with makeup – it was tiring. You know how we all feel pretty when we put effort into how we present ourselves? Not for others, of course, but when we dress up for ourselves! I want to invest more time into feeling comfortable going to class but putting effort into my appearance at the same time. Now don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing wrong with a hoodie and jeans (which is probably how I’ll dress after the first two weeks) and I’m not going out to buy a whole new wardrobe. Instead, I’ll look through my closet and come up with 7 interchangeable outfits that I can put together real fast the night before. That way I get to be lazy and cute at the same time!

Make a playlist!

This one is a bit silly but hear me out. To me, music is a thing that makes me so happy, it calms me down and it puts me in the right mood for anything. I am that person that makes a playlist for anything. I have a playlist that I play during autumn, one that I play when I walk the dog, one that I play when I’m taking a bubble bath, etc. Going back to school, be it secondary, college or university or hell, even going back to work after a nice, relaxing holiday can be difficult and draining. Doing little things to perk ourselves up like a celebratory cupcake, a new playlist or reading a cheesy novel might sound silly, but they’re not. Anything to get us through the day, right?

So here it is, my to-do list for my second year of university. This post turned out to be so long but I think it’s important to put it out there, maybe as a form of inspiration, maybe for you guys to marvel at how much of a mess my life is. Either way, thanks a lot for reading and feel free to tell me how you prepare for a new beginning! Make sure to check out my last blog post which is my August playlist.

With love,

Sonny xx

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(GIFs ARE NOT MINE, CREDIT GOES TO WHOEVER MADE THEM!)

My Favourite Kpop Groups

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About a week ago I talked about my kpop journey and my kpop journal and how much I enjoy kpop. I’m sure it comes as no surprise that I would want to write a list of my favourite kpop groups since I’m obviously a fan of Korean music and entertainment but to recap on the things I mentioned in my last post about kpop, I became a kpop fan in the spring of 2012 and have been an on and off fan ever since then. I started out with groups like BigBang and 2NE1 and although I am a soft stan (someone who doesn’t spend a lot of time streaming music videos and obsessing over comebacks) I very much enjoy this new generation of kpop groups – even though I will always prefer the second generation.

Here are a couple of my favourite groups, my bias and favourite song from each group.

SHINee

Shinee (/ˈʃaɪniː/ SHY-nee; Korean: 샤이니; Japanese: シャイニー; stylized as SHINee) is a South Korean boy band formed by SM Entertainment in 2008. The group is composed of four members: Onew, Key, Minho, and Taemin. Originally a five-piece group, vocalist Jonghyun died in December 2017. The group’s popularity in their native country has earned them numerous accolades and the title “Princes of K-pop” (Wikipedia)

Ah, SHINee… They truly are the princes of kpop! I fell in love with SHINee almost immediately after I fell in love with kpop as a whole. The first song I heard from them was Lucifer and then Ring Ding Dong which then led me to watch Hello Baby and the rest is history! My first bias was Taemin simply because of his long hair in Lucifer, then Minho because he was so sweet with the toddler from Hello Baby. Then my bias switched to Key because I really liked how he wasn’t ashamed to be a bit more feminine but ultimately, my heart really always belonged to Jonghyun (it still does today). As you’ve read from the quote I got from Wikipedia, Jonghyun died in December of 2017 which of course affected me in ways I cannot even begin to describe but what I do have to say about him is that he was always such a big part of my life, even if he didn’t know it. You know how when you’re a teenager and nobody really gets you and you’re moody and upset, you find solace in music or celebrities because they seem to understand? Jonghyun was that for me. His music was legendary and the way he stood up for minorities and his open-mindedness, well, I really truly believe that he shaped me into who I am today. To me, SHINee will forever be five.

Favourite song: SHINee – The Reason

BTS

BTS (Hangul: 방탄소년단; RR: Bangtan Sonyeondan), also known as the Bangtan Boys, is a seven-member South Korean boy band formed by Big Hit Entertainment. They debuted on June 12, 2013, with the song “No More Dream” from their first album 2 Cool 4 Skool. (Wikipedia)

I have to say that I pretty much watched BTS grow into the group they are today right from the beginning – not because I want to gloat or anything but because the more they gained popularity and confidence, the more I fell in love with them. At first, I didn’t really like their music, hip-hop is not necessarily my style although I do enjoy some songs here and there, as the years went by they began evolving and growing up. Their music changed, their creativity started showing through their lyrics, their music videos and their overall presence in the Korean music industry. As for my bias, well, it’s super hard for me to choose a bias in BTS for some reason. I love all of them equally even though sometimes I lean more towards one over the others.

My favourite song: BTS – Spine Breaker

Mamamoo

Mamamoo (Hangul: 마마무), sometimes stylized as MAMAMOO, is a South Korean girl group formed by RBW (formerly WA Entertainment) in 2014. The group officially debuted on June 19, 2014, with the single “Mr Ambiguous”. Their debut was considered by some critics as one of the best K-pop debuts of 2014. They are recognized for their retro, jazz, R&B concepts and strong vocal performances. (Wikipedia)

Uh, where do I begin? I am soo in love with Mamamoo. Their energy is absolutely insane and their vocals slay me every single time they open their mouths. I don’t even think there’s a member in Mamamoo that doesn’t have talent – they are all so genuinely amazing, it’s insane. I learnt about these queens from a friend back in college and although I liked their earlier songs, I am not a big jazz person but as they evolved, I started falling more and more for these four amazing ladies. I really recommend listening to their entire discography because it’s honestly a gold mine. As for my bias – Moonbyul really has my heart at the moment. I love how badass she is, her rapping always gets me and her singing voice is so unique, it’s amazing!

My favourite song: Mamamoo – Starry Night

So here it is, three of my favourite kpop groups as of now. Feel free to let me know what your opinions are on these three groups and what your favourite groups are! Also, make sure to check out my last blog post which is a list of useful tips to get over a writing block. Thanks a lot for reading! (GIFs and videos aren’t mine – credit goes to the owners!)

With love,

Sonny xx
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Writing Blocks and How to Get Over Them

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I think a lot of people have this misconception about when it’s normal to find one’s passion. People ask children what they want to be when they grow up and they put their kids in a thousand (exaggeration) different activities hoping that they would find their niche – something that feels natural and exciting. Looking back, I think I always knew what my passion was – the type of person that I am has facilitated this passion of mine.

I am a creative person, I have always been a creative person ever since I was a kid. I used to paint with watercolours at four years old (that’s how I learnt to spell my name) and I was constantly in my own head, dreaming up an endless list of scenarios from being a princess in space to being a bratty yet trendy teenager like Sharon from Braceface. The universe has always been endless for me. I especially loved the creative writing aspect of my lessons in school – I took great pride in my stories and wanted everyone to read them. That hasn’t changed much.

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Then I became a pre-teen and I moved to the UK and my imagination kept flourishing. It has helped me through tough times, laying in bed with my eyes closed, just living my best life away from my real life. Then I got into anime and music, I started writing stories about the things that I liked such as Naruto and Tokio Hotel and as I grew up my writing improved and so did my love for this creative outlet. It wasn’t just a hobby or a passion anymore, it was my safe place. It allowed me to bend rules to a breaking point, to experiment and grow up with my characters. I then took two years of creative writing in college and to this day I believe that those lessons were the best lessons I’ve ever had.

My creative writing class was a second home to me, even though I was there only twice a week. It symbolised the way my creativity rolled in waves of pure excitement. I started writing poetry and plays and I came up with so many great ideas that I don’t think I’d be able to write them all in this lifetime. In fact, my creative writing teacher at the time encouraged me to start my own blog so thanks to him I am here, doing something I love.

I always knew writing was my passion but as I grew up I became addicted to it, I began seeing it as a source of comfort in hard times and good times and all the time, to be honest. I spend my days and nights jotting down ideas and writing poetry and while that might sound boring or redundant to some, it’s usually the highlight of my day.

I think it was necessary to preface this post with this very (very) long story about how I grew to love creative writing because it explains why I have such great trouble with writing blocks. I think because I put so much effort and love into my stories and poems and plays, I tend to burn out pretty quickly. I can write five chapters for one of my stories and come up with ten different poems in between seminars but by the end of the day I would feel so tired and burned out that the mere idea of being creative annoys me. This would go on for a couple of days, maybe a few weeks even but after a while, that dependence kicks in and I find it hard to get back into writing right away.

I realize that I am not alone in this – many great writers, if not all of them, dealt and still deal with writer’s block but this is my way of pulling myself out of a writing funk. Here are a few of my tips:

Get inspired

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I guess it’s easier said than done, right? Personally, I get inspired by everything, especially music. I can listen to Cherry Pie by Warrant or Barbie Girl by Aqua and somehow I’ll make a drabble out of it. People watching is also great, although I advise being casual about it, not creepy. Just sitting in a coffee shop with a notepad or whatever device you write on will be enough to spark some sort of interest and creativity in that beautiful brain of yours.

Carry a notebook everywhere

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This works with mobile phones or laptops as well, of course. One thing that we were told over and over again in my creative writing module at university (yup, I did creative writing at university as well as college) was to always carry something where you can jot down ideas – even words that elicit some sort of creativity. I usually use my phone’s memo app for this since I already carry half of my belongings around with me but to each their own.

Write daily

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Yeah, yeah, I know that everyone and their mother will tell you to do this but it is true. No matter how crappy your writing is that day, you should write something. Be it a poem or a song or even a short story. This will allow you to get into the mindset and focus on writing. Let yourself be creative! In fact, one of my favourite things to do back in the day was to sit down at my desk, take a random word/phrase/song and just write a page of A5 about it. It could be any form or theme but it gave me such great joy.

Write drabbles / 7 Minute Writing

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(FYI – it’s almost impossible to find a GIF of Deb without her swearing xD)

Something I learned in college was to just let go. We were told to take out a pen and a paper, we were given a prompt such as ‘The last thing I told my best friend…’ and we were given seven minutes to just write. The idea was to write whatever came to mind, even if it was the word ‘boring’ repeated over and over. I think that allowing your hand to write down your stream of consciousness you allow yourself to be free of expectations of what you writing should be like. I mean, let’s be honest here for a moment, we all have expectations. I’ve been writing since I was ten years old, for nearly a decade, and I still read the works of some of our greatest authors and I compare myself to them because that’s just human nature but by knowing you’re allowed to just word-vomit onto a page you are putting away your expectations and focusing solely on getting your point across. This works amazingly well if you do it every day!

Just do it

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I think that with a lot of things in life we always look for some sort of sign or we think we need to plan things before we do them. The same applies to writing or any other form of a creative outlet. Whenever I’m in a writing funk I have to remind myself that sometimes motivation can be a method of procrastination because it keeps me in that safe space of knowing I’m doing something towards my goal but in reality, I’m not actually achieving anything. Instead, I just focus on being determined and disciplined because if I’m determined enough to tell a story then I’m going to be disciplined enough to pull through.

So here are a couple of my tips on how to get over a writing block. I really love writing for this blog, it’s almost as therapeutic as looking for GIFs to fit my posts! Let me know what you think about the GIFs and whether they should stay or go? Also, disclaimer, all of the GIFs used in this post are NOT mine – credit goes to whoever created them. Thanks a lot for reading and make sure to check out my last blog post which is about how I stopped fearing change.

With love,

Sonny xx

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How I Stopped Fearing Change

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           I think this blog post could have very well been a part of my ‘Be Present’ blog post from a few weeks back, and of course, change is a big part of us moving through the different stages of our lives. Change is a natural phenomenon but it’s also something we fear or avoid. It’s also something I’ve been struggling with for the better part of my life.

           I was that child kicking and screaming when her mum dropped her off at nursery in the morning and I was that kid who hated having to leave her country to be with her parents at the age of eleven because the prospect of change terrified me. I know that anyone would be anxious if they were to go through what I did but I think I took it especially hard. I practically isolated myself from everyone I knew and I can count on two hands the times I left my house to go out in the first six months of moving to the UK. It’s safe to say that I don’t fare well with change.

           This fear of change followed me to this day – from finishing secondary school and starting college to beginning my journey at university, I am still just as afraid of change as I was on my first day of nursery. That’s not to say that I am always on the safe side, I certainly have my moments when I forget all rationale and dive straight into whatever’s in front of me, no matter the consequence but sometimes, well, sometimes I have to really think about my decisions because the fear of making a bad decision is so overwhelming that it paralyzes me.

           Because of my fear of change I started noticing things about myself. I started noticing how small changes make me feel compared to big changes. Small changes like going vegetarian and then vegan (small for me, big for others – everyone has their own journey) compared to moving countries at the young age of 11 are certainly hard to compare even though they both affected my lifestyle and how I now view the world. I noticed that I can accept small changes, changes that don’t have a huge impact on my day to day life, a lot easier than major changes and I began asking myself why. Of course, because major changes like starting university and moving to another country are bound to throw me into new situations and out of my comfort zone – I can’t control the impact these changes have on my life the way I can control my diet for example. That’s when I realized that I am not really afraid of change because obviously, small change doesn’t bother me, but that I am afraid of losing control and I believe this is something very common, especially amongst young people.

           The next step for me was to want to get over my need to be in control of everything which was the difficult part because on one hand, I thought that being in control of everything meant that I was safely in my comfort zone and nothing could shake me out of it. In reality, I wasn’t nearly as safe in my comfort zone as I thought I was because that’s not how life works. Life doesn’t wait for anybody to be ready for change and so by not accepting change and needing to be in control all the time, I wasn’t protecting myself, I was actually holding myself back from learning how to handle losing control of everything so when something big happened I didn’t know how to react. That’s when I realized that in order to live a more fulfilling, less scared life, I needed to figure out why I wanted to be more spontaneous and less controlling.

           One of the main reasons why I went on this little journey of self-reflection was that I knew that I wanted to experience life at its fullest capacity and since then, I’ve been working hard on accepting change and losing control from time to time. Of course, nothing happens overnight and I am still very much set on some things, but I am glad I took that step forward and allowed myself to work on becoming a better person, even though I am not there yet.

           So here it is, a whole blog post about one of my deepest insecurities, just two months after launching this blog. It really doesn’t take me a long time to feel comfortable enough to over-share. Anyway, I think that as long as this is out there and has the potential to inspire at least one person or to even just spark a bit of interest, then that’s good enough for me. Thank you for reading and make sure to check out my last blog post which was the second part of my Hogwarts Houses Study Tips series – the Ravenclaw edition.

With love,

Sonny xx

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