2019 Goals

          I thought about writing this post at the beginning of January to mark well, the beginning of a new year but the more I thought about it the more I realized that I wasn’t completely sure whether the goals I set for myself in December would still be relevant for me in 2019. I am the type of person who likes starting over, I like new beginnings and therefore I love starting a new year. I stand by the ‘tomorrow is a new day’ saying and thus 2019 started and I was sat down at my desk, pouring over my goals and trying to break them down into more manageable tasks, to understand how I want to go about achieving them. This is how I realized that I wasn’t so keen on some of the goals I set for myself. Of course, in true perfectionist fashion, I started to panic because January already started and that meant I didn’t have the perfect plan to get me through the year (I am an anxious person.)

          This made me realize that:

  1. You can never have the perfect plan because life’s a bitch and it likes to throw curveballs.
  2. I can always switch things up. If halfway through the year I don’t care to learn to play the guitar anymore, I don’t have to do that. I don’t have to force myself to do anything that doesn’t make me happy and that is okay.

          Of course, this doesn’t mean I’m willing to just scrap goals just because I know I won’t achieve them or because I’m too insecure about doing them (e.g – going places on my own). I just have to adjust them, tweak a few things here and there and hopefully, I’ll achieve the goals I’m not 100% sure about. This is why when coming up with your goals, be them monthly, yearly, 5-years and 10-year goals, it’s important to sit down with a cup of coffee and really ask yourself what do you want to do. What’s worth your time here on earth and what makes you happy? Tailor your plans according to the answers to those questions, have some ambition and you’ll see you’ll come out a happier person in the end.

          So, a couple of my 2019 goals (as of now) are:

          Get a first in my second year of university – this one is pretty self-explanatory and a goal that most likely won’t change. Some of the steps I’m taking to achieve this goal is to attend each lecture and seminar as much as possible, to read for my seminars every day and to start my assignments two weeks before they’re due instead of leaving them until the last minute. I already wrote down all my deadlines in my bullet journal and my calendar on my phone.

          Go fully vegan – I’m quite embarrassed to say that I’m weak when it comes to sweets and I am the worst baker ever. As in I burn everything I try to bake. So if baking my own sweets is impossible and buying vegan sweets is super expensive for my student budget, well, I haven’t been really doing great in that department… but I am working on it every day and hopefully this year I’ll go fully vegan.

          Read 30 books – not counting the reading I have to do for university, of course. My reading goal last year was 30 books and I barely managed to achieve that. I’m not sure why I struggled so much when in other years I would read way more than 30 books with no problem. It’s probably because I have to read so much for school that when it comes to reading for pleasure I’m kind of exhausted.

          Finish three of the stories I started last year – I tend to go through phases when I’m super motivated to write so last year I started three stories, one of which I was supposed to finish over the Christmas break so this year I want to at least finish two of them – the one that I was meant to finish over Christmas and the collab. I think out of all my goals this goal and the reading goal are the most susceptible to change.

          Complete my BTS album collection – this one’s pretty up in the air too but right now I’m determined to achieve this goal. I’ve always been someone who collects stuff from W.I.T.C.H. comic books to well, books and stationery to kpop albums. I currently have all their Korean albums but I still need to complete the LY Her, Tear and Answer albums and the WINGS albums. Of course, this is going to be a pretty slow progress since these albums are damn expensive but I guess we’ll see by the end of the year if I manage to achieve this.

          Learn graphic design – I used to do graphic design for forums back in 2013 and 2014 and I’ve always enjoyed it so much but of course, I wasn’t knowledgeable enough to actually know what I was doing. This year I want to learn the right way and so I am planning to achieve this goal over the summer.

          So this is it, these are my current 2019 goals. Of course, these are all (okay maybe some of them) susceptible to change but I guess we’ll see. For now, I’m really excited to see what 2019 has in store for me. I feel like for the first time in my life I am finally able to look forward to my future without too much anxiety clouding my mind which is something I’m very proud of.

          Anyway, until next time!

          With love,

          Sonny xx

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How I Stopped Fearing Change

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           I think this blog post could have very well been a part of my ‘Be Present’ blog post from a few weeks back, and of course, change is a big part of us moving through the different stages of our lives. Change is a natural phenomenon but it’s also something we fear or avoid. It’s also something I’ve been struggling with for the better part of my life.

           I was that child kicking and screaming when her mum dropped her off at nursery in the morning and I was that kid who hated having to leave her country to be with her parents at the age of eleven because the prospect of change terrified me. I know that anyone would be anxious if they were to go through what I did but I think I took it especially hard. I practically isolated myself from everyone I knew and I can count on two hands the times I left my house to go out in the first six months of moving to the UK. It’s safe to say that I don’t fare well with change.

           This fear of change followed me to this day – from finishing secondary school and starting college to beginning my journey at university, I am still just as afraid of change as I was on my first day of nursery. That’s not to say that I am always on the safe side, I certainly have my moments when I forget all rationale and dive straight into whatever’s in front of me, no matter the consequence but sometimes, well, sometimes I have to really think about my decisions because the fear of making a bad decision is so overwhelming that it paralyzes me.

           Because of my fear of change I started noticing things about myself. I started noticing how small changes make me feel compared to big changes. Small changes like going vegetarian and then vegan (small for me, big for others – everyone has their own journey) compared to moving countries at the young age of 11 are certainly hard to compare even though they both affected my lifestyle and how I now view the world. I noticed that I can accept small changes, changes that don’t have a huge impact on my day to day life, a lot easier than major changes and I began asking myself why. Of course, because major changes like starting university and moving to another country are bound to throw me into new situations and out of my comfort zone – I can’t control the impact these changes have on my life the way I can control my diet for example. That’s when I realized that I am not really afraid of change because obviously, small change doesn’t bother me, but that I am afraid of losing control and I believe this is something very common, especially amongst young people.

           The next step for me was to want to get over my need to be in control of everything which was the difficult part because on one hand, I thought that being in control of everything meant that I was safely in my comfort zone and nothing could shake me out of it. In reality, I wasn’t nearly as safe in my comfort zone as I thought I was because that’s not how life works. Life doesn’t wait for anybody to be ready for change and so by not accepting change and needing to be in control all the time, I wasn’t protecting myself, I was actually holding myself back from learning how to handle losing control of everything so when something big happened I didn’t know how to react. That’s when I realized that in order to live a more fulfilling, less scared life, I needed to figure out why I wanted to be more spontaneous and less controlling.

           One of the main reasons why I went on this little journey of self-reflection was that I knew that I wanted to experience life at its fullest capacity and since then, I’ve been working hard on accepting change and losing control from time to time. Of course, nothing happens overnight and I am still very much set on some things, but I am glad I took that step forward and allowed myself to work on becoming a better person, even though I am not there yet.

           So here it is, a whole blog post about one of my deepest insecurities, just two months after launching this blog. It really doesn’t take me a long time to feel comfortable enough to over-share. Anyway, I think that as long as this is out there and has the potential to inspire at least one person or to even just spark a bit of interest, then that’s good enough for me. Thank you for reading and make sure to check out my last blog post which was the second part of my Hogwarts Houses Study Tips series – the Ravenclaw edition.

With love,

Sonny xx

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